Barry rushes me to the hospital because now I am in full blown labor it feels like. I am contracting every five minutes and the pain is excruciating. We arrive at the hospital and I get out of the truck. Barry gets out with me to make sure I get in safely. When I walk in, the front desk security asked me what I needed. I am leaning over in pain and unable to speak because I am contracting like CRAZY!!! Barry tells them that I am in labor and need to get to the labor and delivery. They tell me that it is down the hall in the other building. Now, any decent human would give a pregnant woman a wheel chair so that she does not have to walk IN PAIN, but these lovely gentlemen did not. They just stared at me and my husband and pointed in the direction we needed to go. So I slowly walked down this long hallway that seemed like it would never end. I get to the labor and delivery and the lady behind this desk sees that I am in pain and immediately comes out to get me to a bed to lay down. She asked why did I not come in a wheel chair and I tell her that one was not given and I was told to go that way down the hallway. Once I lay down I know for sure that this baby is not gonna make it and I am indeed miscarrying. The nurse told the doctor to come immediately, because I informed her that I had an emergency cerclage done and that I need it to be undone. The nurse checked and noticed that I had meconium also coming out which means the baby had a bowel movement inside. This could lead to infection and other worse case scenarios. I immediately panic because I do not know what is going on!!! The doctor comes in, who was not my doctor because she was out of town. She comes in and checks and says that they are going to have to rush me in to get pain meds so that she can undo the cerclage. That way I do not tear and further damage to my cervix occurs. All the while they are checking me, another nurse is on my left side asking me 185 questions about my family medical history. She kept apologizing because when I answered her I was clearly giving her annoyed stares and sighs. I'm sitting here in labor and about to lose my baby and you want to know my last menstrual cycle!!!! WHAT???? So, once I get to the room and there are now at least five to six people running in and out of my room and discussing the current events of the week. Barry and I are sitting there looking like, why is it so chaotic? My sister comes in and looks around notices the chaos. I'm in pain, the room is crazy, and there just seems like no order AT ALL! She says out loud, "Umm, what is going on? I am a physician and this is my sister and she is clearly in pain! What are you guys doing to relieve her pain? What is the plan of action?" The room stopped suddenly and then the doctor goes, "Oh, ok well we are about to remove her cerclage and get ready to deliver her baby. Can someone please order an epidural for her so that the pain can subside?" Then, things went calm and I was serviced with the up most respect.
A couple of hours later the doctor comes in to check me and when she looked her face dropped and she said, "Her foot is hanging out and we need for you to push." I pushed twice and they pulled her out. Her little foot was dangling and swollen. They put her in the warmer and the doctor told the nurse to get the NICU down to see if they can help the baby. However, I knew there would be nothing they could do because I was 23 weeks and 24 weeks is the viable stage. The NICU doctor comes in and asked where the baby was. The doctor pointed to the warmer and the NICU doctor says, "There's nothing I can do. She's gone already. Why didn't you guys call me before now?" The thing is that the nurse was calling them for at least an hour and never got a response. The doctor who delivered my baby told the NICU doctor quietly, can you please and nicely let the parents know? They just lost their baby. She gave him a look like, don't be rude! In my head, I'm thinking, you have already surpassed being rude thus far. This whole hospital gets the "Most Rude to Expecting Mothers Award". I sat in my bed and just cried and cried. Then I became numb. It was almost like I was having deja vu from the year before. My whole life just seemed pointless. Why can I not hold a baby? Why can I not have a child of my own? I slept for as long as I could because honestly I didn't want to talk to anyone or face anyone. My pastor came by to pray over the baby, and it meant a lot to me. To know that he took time out of his busy schedule to come to the hospital for me was incredible. After Pastor Bell prayed over my baby, he left and I went back to sleep, because honestly being awake was too painful. They left her in my room for Barry and I to have our last moments, but what they didn't understand was that going through this twice within a year of each other was dreadfully painful. It was like a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from. It was as if I was on a 200 foot drop roller coaster and my whole soul was at the top of it, sitting there looking down at me! I just was numb.
I had several family member come and visit, and I mustered up the energy to smile through the pain and just cope. I really just wanted to go home and be in my own bed and just cry! I was discharged the next day and when I got home, that is just what I did. I got in my bed and cried and cried. Barry would get in the bed and hold me to let me cry it out on his shoulder. It felt as if I would never stop crying. However, one day I realized that I couldn't do that anymore. Something in my spirit told me that this was not the end and there was a way. I discussed with Barry that we would have to try one more time. We would give ourselves the rest of the year to recoup, but that we had to try again. I told him that I would find a high risk doctor and we would know earlier what needs to be done in order to get us a baby. He was skeptical about it at first but supportive of whatever I wanted to do. He knew how important it was for me to have my own baby.
So I went on the mission to find a high risk doctor who could get us a baby! Then the search began.....Stay tuned for "The Right Doctor!".
You are so strong...
ReplyDeleteThx Crystalle!
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